Clumsy Haste
by DarkHairedVeela
Summary: Suddenly he understood and it made him a little sad because now that he knew what she wanted he also knew that he couldn't give it to her. "The Fire Lord isn't simple," he said quietly. She shook her head. He sighed, "If only you wanted commitment—I could do that for you." Toko. Oneshot. Zuko has been cheating on his wife with Toph for eight years. Has it come to an end?


When he was away from her the guilt settled in. The sight of Mai, for example, sitting at the dinner table a slight smile as she listened to their ten year old daughter chatter away about her what she had learned in her fire bending exercises was especially hard for Zuko. He would finish his dinner quickly and retreat into his office for an hour or two. In those hours he would draft letter after letter.

"_We can't meet in July . . ."_ he would write slowly, the brush pressed firmly to the scrolls. Or "_We have to end it."_ But every time he would toss the scraps into the fire and go to bed, feeling even worse than he had before. Not because he couldn't seem to go through with ending it but because he had forgotten that she was blind and couldn't possibly read any message he sent her. And somehow that was worse than the affair itself.

But when he was with her, _Spirits_, there was nothing else. It was his favorite feeling to have her alone, away from the time, away from his wife.

Like now, he had her alone at her Metal Bending school. His arm was wrapped loosely around her as his eyes fluttered open. He trailed his fingers down her naked spine and moaned softly before burying his nose in her neck where he inhaled deeply.

She smelled like sex and sleep. He pressed his lips against her skin gently—not particularly hoping to wake her.

After a couple moments, however, she stirred. Zuko untangled himself from her to watch her wake up. Toph blinked a couple times before scowling heavily.

"Ugh, you were holding me again, weren't you? I'm all hot," she complained as she dabbed at the sweat on her face. Zuko smirked, she was always insufferably cranky in the mornings. "Gross, boob sweat," she murmured around a yawn.

He groaned deeply, shifting close enough to kiss her cheek. His mind felt hazy—he could happily sleep for another hour in her bed with her neck under his nose. He attempted to pull her towards him but she resisted. Hardly deterred, Zuko tangled his legs with hers before managing to rest half his weight against her, effectively trapping her. "C'mere, babe," he mumbled groggily, his eyes already closed snuggly and the corner of his chin resting against the gentle swell of her breast.

"Zuko," she whined. "You're too hot for cuddling." Despite her tone, her fingers were rather gentle against his scalp.

She was right though, he was always a little warm, especially in the mornings, especially when he woke to her naked body so very close to his own. The only time she allowed him to hold her like this was when they were at the South Pole. Her shivers had been constant—he preferred her skin hot and flushed, her breath in his ear.

Eventually he took pity on her squirms and huffs of discomfort and pushed himself off her (but not before letting his lips linger against the side of her breast). Toph quickly ripped the sheets away with a yell that was akin to a battle cry. Zuko, with squinted eyes, watched her shimmy down the bed so that her face was level with his.

They'd been at this for nearly eight years, and _still_ after _eight years_ his heart leapt and lodged itself in his throat when he anticipated her lips. Her fingers grazed against his chin and he struggled to swallow.

At first, her lips captured his bottom lip in a slight nibble before releasing it. Zuko wet his lips with his tongue before following her to mirror the action. This time, however, he didn't release her. Instead he moaned against the tender flesh that had no doubt turned rosy under his attentive teeth. Toph's blistered fingers shook a little when she moved them to the back of his neck. It was her most favorite and most body numbing thing to have his teeth on her. Moving up half an inch, Zuko indulged her with a full mouthed kiss. Her fingers dug heavily into his skin when his tongue eased past her lips.

Perhaps one of the best part of kissing Toph was that though her personality was obnoxiously combative, her lips hardly ever were. The two of them didn't battle for dominance, nor did they bore each other with constant gentleness. They merely enjoyed. Took what they could get but most importantly, they gave what they had left.

It was when Zuko's lips began to wander that Toph hummed deeply as she pushed him away. "I want to try to go one morning without having to spread my legs for you," she said grinning teasingly.

She _was _a tease.

"So you pick the last day of my visit, huh? You would deny me the honor of deflowering you?" His world still hazy, Zuko rolled onto his back and stretched to bask in the bright morning light that was streaming between the curtains.

"You deflowered me _years_ ago, Zuko," she reminded him.

"Ah, yes. But if I could I would do it over, and over and over again." His voice had grown deep and gravely. The sound of it raising fields of goose bumps along her torso.

She snorted. "I wouldn't. It _hurt_."

Zuko took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips. "I was gentle," he hushed.

Toph sighed. "You were marvelous." She sat up to lean on her elbow, her dark hair gloriously poofed and wavy. Zuko pushed some behind her ear. She was quiet for some time and she nibbled on her lips distractedly. It wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking. Honestly there wasn't anything else she could be thinking about. It was always the same thing in the calm moments—in the quiet. When the light shined so surely through the blinds to expose their fears, their flaws, and their very self. What else is there for them to think about other than their affair? The very thing that made their bed in the mornings and slipped into their sheets at night.

He brushed her hair back again, and tried not to look away when he noticed that her eyes seemed a little too watery. He was never good at comforting girls who cried. What do you say?

"You hungry?" she asked loudly as she tried to dispel the sickeningly guilty after taste that had poisoned the air.

Zuko grinned a little because he knew that she really wanted to talk about this _thing_ that had taken up eight years of their lives. "Are you?"

She shrugged with a little smirk. "Well you . . . you _did_ tucker me out quite a bit last night, so yes. Yeah, I am."

He laughed. "Okay, Let's head to the kitchens then."

"No," she said quickly pushing down on his chest with both hands. Pleasantly turned on by the strands of her hair that were grazing against his neck, Zuko lightly traced her wrists and hummed gently. "I was thinking we could have breakfast in bed. I'll get it!" She then began to shower his face, neck and chest with sweet enthusiastic kisses.

"You're sure?" he smiled.

"Yep." With that she bounded off of him and off the bed.

"Toph, we're going to talk when you come back, right?"

She had her back to him as she pulled on her long robe but he watched her closely. He always had to watch her closely. "Yeah," she said quietly. "We need to."

Zuko finally caught a glimpse of her face when she turned towards the door. He snatched her wrist before she passed him and stood to stand in front of her. "Here," he said reassuringly as he brushed at the wetness under her eyes. "Wouldn't want any of your students to think we are fighting."

She snorted. "They're not even supposed to know we're together, babe."

He kissed her. "Don't be long?"

"Promise."

The sound of the door shutting was dull. It seemed to suck all the other sounds out of the room—through the cracks and the drafty windows.

Zuko threw his head back and breathed deeply. He was starting to feel guilty again now that she was gone. Suddenly the smell that was wafting up from the sheets wasn't so arousing. He felt dirty and in great need of a bath. He tore himself out of bed and put on the blood red silk robe that was hung on one of the four bed posts.

The room felt dark now—the golden haze seemed to have left with Toph—so he padded swiftly to the curtains to pull them back. He then slid the window open, welcoming in the fresh air.

He recalled the first time he told Toph that he loved her. IT had happened about five years ago in the South Pole. The very same trip Toph hadn't made a big fuss over him holding her while they slept. Before the South Pole their relationships was strictly sex and the occasional ego boost. Once they were finished Toph would leave, or sometimes Zuko would. It all depended on who was visiting who, or sometimes who got up first. Got dressed the fastest.

When they were in public they kept their distance for the most part. Though on occasion his fingers would graze the inside of her wrist and she would wet her lips enticingly. A little obvious? Maybe, but what else could they do? She was _blind_, it wasn't like he could send her sex eyes from across the room.

And so it was the very last day of their vacation in the South when he said it without really pausing to think about it. They were snuggled deep in furs and she was facing him, her fingers entwined with his so he could blow hot air on them. Her icicles for toes had suddenly pressed against his shins.

"Shit," he hissed with half a mind to kick her but then she started to giggle. Muffled apologies streaming from her mouth. Once the giggles had subsided and she managed to snuggle her blurted it out. "I love you."

The rest of the night after that was chaotic as they tried to remove all the fur and leather they had on while still cocooned in the heavy blanket. All the while Toph was peppering his neck with hickies murmuring frantically the same word. "Finally. Finally. Finally."

Eventually he rolled them over so that he could grind his hips into hers, slowly and methodically through their pants. She was nearly there—writing and moaning her hands on his ass pressing him closer—nearly there when she said it back.

The next morning they headed to Ba Sing Se to visit his uncle and to have a little extra time together. And why _should_ he go home? The woman he loved was already here. With her there was nothing else.

A loud thudding sound bombarded the room hurling Zuko out of that freezing place that felt so happy. He turned away from the window his expression almost pained. It was as if he had been watching the memory play out for him in the courtyard just outside.

"It's me, let me in, Hotpants," Toph's muffled voice streamed from the other side of the door. He felt he was getting a little old for her nicknames (nearly thirty). Nonetheless, he couldn't help but smile. When he got the door open Toph sighed heavily.

"This was all I could get! Just nuts and berries. I swear they're all trying to kill me. We haven't had hardly any meat in this place since Aang and his silly acolytes gave us a visit three months ago. It's ridiculous."

Zuko looked down at the tray she was holding. It included a wide variety of colorful fruit that were very common in the warm climate of the Fire Nation. There were also nuts set in messy piles as if they were thrown angrily on top of the fruit. And if Toph had prepared this platter then it wasn't hard to imagine. "We'll have to make do," he said with a smile taking the tray from her.

"Yeak," she agreed. "But Aang is not welcome here. Ever."

Toph hopped onto the bed and began to make the covers haphazardly. Zuko made a couple comments on how ridiculous she looked and how ineffective her technique was turning out to be. Toph responded with the crudest hand gestures she could muster. Once she was finished, Zuko set their tray of light breakfast on the bed before pulling her into another heated kiss. Her mouth tasted like berries—of course she had nicked a few before rejoining him.

Perhaps it was the age difference which had seemed much more detrimental when they first started, that caused him to treat her delicately on occasion. Never was it the fact that she was blind, or the misconception that she was a lady. From the beginning he always felt guilty because she was _so young_. So he kept his hands from her—he didn't touch her except for his lips on hers and the occasionaly brush of eyelashes. His toes would curl and his hands would clutch at the freshly straightened sheets on either side of her hisp. He wanted her so badly, he was so hungry, and not hungry for something as selfish as food, but hungry for her spirit—her young and flight spirit that had become just as much a beacon of hope as the Avatar. He wanted to worship her and so he slumped against her, his hands on her arms (_finally_) just above her elbows, clumsy with haste.

The pleasure of touching her was almost too much, he couldn't breathe not with her fingers so close to his scar. His nose dipped under her jaw to her jugular where her blood pumped rapidly. His whole being seemed to hum.

So young.

But she wasn't. She was older than he had been when she kissed him hard for the first time.

"I want you so bad," he murmured. They were words he hadn't said to Mai for nine years. The gritty guilt feeling was back and Toph gently nudged him off her when she felt a tear shoot along her neck. She sat up straight, her cheeks a furious red, lips bruised, and tucked into the breakfast that had been forgotten even just for a moment. After a couple tense moments Toph brushed away her own tears before curtly, but breathlessly interrupted the man's sobbing.

"Zuko sit up."

For a long while he did not make to move but she was patient and she waited along with him for his breathing to level out. When he did move it was slow, she didn't really know where he was anymore. All she had to go by was the mattress shifting beneath her and the hiss of his silk robe on the sheets. It sounded like he was as far as he could get from her and yet she still felt the ghost of his breath on her neck, measuring her pulse.

"Whatever you do don't say you're sorry. That wouldn't be fair. Regret and remorse breaks hearts," she gushed out before plopping a grape in her mouth. "I'm never going to apologize to you for the happiest time of my life. You understand?"

"Yeah," Zuko said shakily. He used the crook of his elbow to wipe the tears away, much like a child.

Toph continued. "With that said, we are going to talk and we're not going to get butt hurt about what the other says. I'm going to start . . . We have to stop this."

Zuko knew that this was the part where he was supposed to agree. The part where he said something lovely about her while he gathered his things. The part where he left and returned to his family. And for a moment he was going to do all those things but then he looked at her. And he snorted. How could any man leave her for good? How had he been so lucky—or perhaps unlucky given the circumstances? She was lounging, most of her weight shifted to her hand on the bed. Her robe tied wrong and not covering most of what it was meant to cover. Her skin not as pale as it once was when they were young and traveling with Aang. She had more freckles. She didn't know this but he had his favorite freckles catalogued in his mind and sometimes he would trace them while she slept. Her long hair had been thrown up in a bun to defy gravity, and though it usually was a fine contrast to her pale eyes Zuko found her red and watery orbs particularly bewitching.

It was a rare thing after all for her to cry.

"No," he said.

Toph blanched. "Excuse me?"

"No," he repeated. "Why should we stop?"

She threw a walnut at him, glaring. He caught it and plopped it in his mouth as he watched her. He could tell she was trying to figure him out.

"All things considered, we're still pretty young. We're in love. And it's not like we are the first to have an affair. I think we could carry on just like we have done for _at least_ another thirty years."

Toph snickered. "So what happens when you get me pregnant?"

It was Zuko's turn to blanch. He managed to choke on his own breath. "Wh-what?" he gulped. "We're careful enough, don't be silly."

"No we're not. You're getting tired of pulling out, _Babe_. You'll have a bastard on your hands sooner than you can plan for."

Zuko balked, he was speechless. It wasn't that he _hadn't_ thought that Toph could end up pregnant it was just that those thoughts were most usually day dreams Blissful fantasies that could lull him gently into believing that she was his wife and mother to his children. Don't—" he cleared his throat roughly. "Don't you want children?" he asked rather bravely.

"What?" She tilted her head, "You mean yours?"

"Nevermind," he said quickly. "That was unfair of me."

She didn't speak for a moment and he allowed himself to gaze at her longingly. "Zuko, of course I want to have your children."

He leaned back against the headrest and tried to scowl. Tried to suppress the joyful bounding of his heart. "I shouldn't have asked you thought. It doesn't matter if we're ending it. It won't matter. I'm sorry."

"You know very well that we don't _have_ to end it."

"Okay, now I'm getting whip lash," he grumbled.

She glared at him as she placed a hand on her hip. "I have a point."

"Make it then."

"Breaking up is the most honorable decision, agreed?"

"Yeah . . ."

"But if I become your official mistress . . .?"

He stared wide eyed. "You mean make our relationship public?"

She shrugged. "Well, maybe not too public."

Zuko paused. "Is that what you want?_"_

"You know better than anyone that what we want rarely reflects what is right."

"But do you _want _what you're talking about?" He was starting to get frustrated. She wasn't making any sense.

She stalled by not doing much of anything. She merely chewed a little slower and played with the space bracelet she's worn every day since he met her. He remembered the horrible surge of jealousy that had burrowed through his veins when she told him that it was a gift from Sokka.

"Not really, As much as I like to deny it I was raised a lady. But on the other hand I'm tired of hiding. You know how much I like to brag," she grinned suddenly. "I'm always biting my tongue to keep myself from telling people how good the Fire Lord is in bed."

He couldn't stop himself from laughing. Even during the most serious moment of their tryst she still managed to keep the tone light.

"Sometimes," she continued. "I do tell people but most always they don't believe me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be able to give people a straight answer when they ask me about you."

"You get asked about me?" He reached for a grape, careful not to touch her. Careful not to move too much because he liked it when she couldn't really tell where he was.

"Everyone knows, Zuko," she sighed patiently. "You should speak to Mai sometime."

He shook his head, "Mai doesn't know."

Toph snorted. "Oh yes she does. She sends me daggers laced with poison every New Year in the hopes I'll cut myself."

"What?" he felt his heart stop, he was sure of it. What he wasn't so sure of was whether his heart stopped because his wife knew he was cheating or because Toph was the target of a rather prolific assassin.

"I'm serious," she laughed.

_How could she possibly laugh about this?_

"I cut myself on the first one and it ade e terribly ill. I have to hand it to her though—I _did_ almost die."

"When was this?"

She paused to think. "About five years ago?" She moved further up the bed so that she could place her hand on his knee. "Listen, there was no harm done. They're just warnings."

"Warnings?You almost died, you just said so yourself!"

She waved her hand. "I like to look at it as a warning to keep her straying husband safe."

HE scowled at the 'straying husband' jab. "You sure are mighty optimisit."

She shrugged. "I genuinely like Mai. And I know you still love her, even after everything." She hugged her knees close to her chest and he marveled at how small she looked that way. She was actually very tall like most Earth Kingdom women. He imagined she looked a lot like her mother. He's never actually met her.

"It's hard with you, you know," he murmured. "To think I ever loved_ anyone_ with you around. You eclipse everyone. It's like I compare everyone I know and everyone I meet to you."

"Well, that's extremely unhealthy."

He cut her off with a kiss, before whispering rather self-consciously. "My mother left when I was a boy, my best friend put my father in a prison cell and I myself sent my little sister to a psychiatric ward. I'm bound to develop some nasty habits."

She smirked. "So, I'm a nasty habit then, am I?"

"A happy one," he corrected, recovering a comfortable distance from her. "Now can you please tell me exactly what you want?"

She threw her head back and exhaled heavily. "I think I've met someone." She laid out her words slowly and deliberately. She knew the man she was talking to and she knew the boy he once was. He had a past riddled with rejection—she needed to be careful.

"Seriously?"

"Maybe," she shrugged. "We've really only ever said hello to each other, and I keep forgetting his name," she laughed nervously. "His daughter is in one of my beginners classes."

"Is he married too?" he commented.

She tensed next to him and her jaw fell open as if he had struck her. "I don't think you've ever insulted me until just now." She covered her face as she shook with a mixture of emotions—hurt, and anger the most prevalent. "Out of everyone in the world I never thought you would say something like that to me."

Zuko felt extremely guilty. "Toph I . . . I was mostly joking. I wasn't thin—"

"Is that what you'll tell your daughter, Zuko," she muttered, her voice biting. "You know she won't be a child forever. She is a short six years away before marrying age. Soon enough everything will make sense to her. One night she will be lying in bed wondering why you're never there and then she will understand why her parents don't sleep in the same room anymore. No one will have to explain a thing to her—she'll just _figure it out_, and she'll keep it to herself and let it break her heart and in the quiet moments when she feels lonely she _will_ hate you."

He stared at her wide eyed and fearful. "Don't speak about my daughter. You hardly know her."

She raised her hands in surrender. "Fine, that's fair. So long as you don't say anything about the man I'm trying to tell you about because you don't know him either. All we know is each other and when I can still smell you in my hair we are not allowed to make any judgment calls. Got it?"

"Fine," he seethed. "Finish your bedtime story."

"So Moraat's daughter is in my class—"

"Wait, who's Moraat?"

"The man, keep up!"

"But I thought you couldn't remember his name."

She huffed. "Well I lied but then you pissed me off so I'm going to make sure you can put a name to the jealousy."

He couldn't think of anything to say to that so we settle with a lame "Oh."

"So his daughter, Lin is in my class and she likes to tell me everything about her life," she continued. "Six months ago her mother died."

Zuko cursed under his breath feeling guiltier than he ever had.

"And since then I've given her private lessons free of charge," she finished proudly.

"Is that _all_?" he asked when he realized that she was done speaking. "You've lost me."

Out of nowhere she pecked his cheeks and then his lips, working her way down to nibble at the base of his neck. After a couple moments she dethatched herself and pointed an accusing finger at his heart. "There," she said. "Every time Moraat comes to pick up his daughter his heart beats as fast as yours is now. Just because he's in the same room as me, breathing the same air. He doesn't even _know me_. He hasn't seen me naked. He hasn't heard me curse. And he gets so excited and nervous and it's really cute. It's simple and I want that."

Suddenly he understood and it made him a little sad because now that he knew what she wanted he also knew that he couldn't give it to her. "The Fire Lord isn't simple," he said quietly. She shook her head. He sighed, "If only you wanted commitment—I could do that for you. I could rewrite Fire Nation traditions if that was what you wanted. History would remember you as the true light of my life. My Inner Fire, they would call you," he murmured against her neck.

"Wow," she said. "That's quite romantic."

"Yeah, well, us Fire Nation type are all the same . . ." he said lamely. She smiled and began tracing the wrinkles that were starting to form at the corners of his eyes. Her unseeing eyes kept flitting back and forth rapidly. "So you really like this Moraat guy?"

"No. . . It's just that I know I _could_ like him. I _could _be happy with him and Lin. And poor Lin, she's only five and her mother has just died . . ." she trailed off.

"You want to be that for her, do you?" he prompted.

"I mean, I know I don't have any right to want that but yes."

He pulled her close and just hugged her. "You have all the right in the world. Everyone is entitled to feel loved and to love in all its forms."

"Thanks, Sparky," she said, squeezing him tighter.

"Do you ever wish we lived different lives? Quiet ones. Where no one will remember our names or that we helped the Avatar."

"It sounds appealing sometimes, but no. I like that people know me for the things that I've done," she answered confidently.

"I wish some of the choices I had made never happened," he admitted.

"Good, that way you know you've grown. Don't wish away your past, Zuko."

He kissed her sweetly. When he pulled away he sighed. "I think it will be good that we break up. You're so _good_ to everyone. You deserve someone who can give you everything, not just half of himself like I've been giving to you."

"I was setting myself up for failure when I first got it into my head to seduce, wasn't I?" She grinned.

"Why me?" he asked curiously

Toph shrugged. "I was always an after-thought with you. I was tired of it. Stupid of me to go for a married man though, huh?"

He laughed. "Yeah, a little, but it worked. I'm sorry you felt that way. I should've been a better friend to you."

She kissed him. "Everything is forgiven. Besides, I think you're my very best friend now."

He gazed into her eyes, and though leaving her for good would be heart breaking, the fact that it would make her happy in the long run was worth it all. "I should probably get everything ready for my return home," he said quietly, taking advantage of his sudden resolve.

"Oh," her smile fell.

He suddenly became very aware of her hands which were resting low on his chest and her breath on his neck and the fact that she was straddling him. When did she even end up on his lap? She began to pepper his jaw with lingering lips. He let out a snort of laughter as he realized what she was doing. "Really?" he gasped incredulously, feeling her teeth nip at his earlobe.

She moaned against him and pressed her hips further into his. It felt delicious. "Okay fine," he groaned, clutching at her hips desperately his resolve soaring out the open window. "One more week won't hurt, will it?"

"Nope."

A/N: Whoop! I've been working on this monster for like three weeks. I really love Toko and I love writing them so this was just a sort of a look into an hour of their lives. What did you think of the dialogue? Did it seem realistic? Bah!

And I know Mai and Zuko don't end up cannon (or at least that's what I've last heard) but I just decided to keep her. Like Toph I genuinely like her. Anyway I hope you liked it!


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